So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
