I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
