I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
