i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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