Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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