HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
