Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize