doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
