What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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