The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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