it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
