Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
