I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
