mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
