I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
