I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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