is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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