I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize