UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
