Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
