Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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