i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
