I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
