I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
