It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
