dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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