god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The ass gains better be worth it
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