***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
