The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
