so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
