i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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