after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
