I think I am morally bankrupt
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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