ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
