weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
