Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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