remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
