Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
