She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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