dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
