I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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