I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
