In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
