carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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