i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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