Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So many bounce houses so little time
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
