I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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