based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
