Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
