There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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