I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
