were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
