She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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