the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
