Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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