I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We just shotgunned beers for America
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
