Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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