I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
