I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
