From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
