If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
