i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
