i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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