would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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