It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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