4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
