I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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