No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize