My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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