I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
