Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
