wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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