I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
