when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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