Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
