just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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