I'd wear matching sweaters with you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
