Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
