and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
