you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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