The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
