If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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