Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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